If they just came out to you
- Thank them. Telling you took courage and trust. “Thank you for telling me — I love you” is enough to start.
- Listen more than you talk. Let them lead. You don’t have to respond to everything today.
- Keep it private. It’s their news to share. Don’t tell relatives or post about it without asking.
- Reassure them nothing’s changed about your love or their place at home.
What helps over time
- Use their name and pronouns, and gently correct yourself if you slip.
- Stay curious instead of fixing. Ask what they need from you.
- Find your own support so your child isn’t the one reassuring you.
- Keep doing ordinary family things together — belonging is built in small moments.
What to avoid
Try not to treat it as a phase, pressure them to “be sure,” or out them to others. Steer well clear of any program promising to change who they are — so-called “conversion therapy” is rejected by every major medical association and is linked to serious harm.
Where families find support
PFLAG runs local chapters and peer support for parents and families — a place to ask questions and meet other parents who’ve been there. If you or your child are struggling, The Trevor Project is there 24/7. Browse our resource directory for more.